Mumps free! So put the crack up!

7 01 2009

So I just returned from my family doctor…..and guess what?
Mump free. WTF was with that r-tard “doctor” yesterday?

Turns out what happened was that the parotid gland duct was blocked up and all the saliva build up caused the swelling. What’s a parotid gland, you say? Good question…..  WTF is a parotid gland?

Apparently saliva can crystalize if you don’t drink enough water. Guess I’d best start drinking.

On another note, I told him of the blood letting attempt yesterday…he thought that was rather weird and decided to give it a go himself. First try, the blood came gushing out. So I guess it WAS the nurse that sucked donkey balls yesterday…along with the lame-o doctor….

It kinda got me thinking….I’ve been seeing this doctor now for at least 15 years. What happens when he goes? I’ll have to seek out another complete stranger to look after me when I get sick? I guess I’ll have to look for a doctor who’s Chinese…cause the one I had yesterday was Middle Eastern and I realized that I had no idea what the Chinese word for MUMP is until I asked my folks.

Had I known what the Chinese word was, I could’ve just told the dude that I’ve had it already when I was a kid….lol

Still, dude sucked donkey balls for misdiagnosing…..can I sue?

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Good fucking god.

5 01 2009

So I woke up this morning…not exactly refreshed…but not feeling weird either…looking forward to getting some shit done.

I make lunch….one of them frozen fisherman pies that I bought the other night….which I’ve been looking forward to eating….

I take my first bite, then all of a sudden the right side of my mouth felt like it just tasted the sourest sourball EVER and salivated like crazy…then it started to hurt.

I went to look at myself in the mirror and notice that the right side of my face have fucking swelled up! (Well, even more swelled up than its normal state). I thought it was an allergic reaction…but then thought better because I’ve had that pie before and this has never happened….so I figured I should go see a doctor at the walk-in….

I took the subway and arrived there at around 1…..the place wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I arrived. Instead of me waiting there, they told me to come back at 4 for my appointment. So I basically wasted 2 tokens so I can wait some more….I ended up calling my family doctor in ‘ssauga….but nobody answered, probably because they were all out to lunch.

I went home and started looking for answers online. The result weren’t pretty. MUMPS. That’s where all the symptoms were pointing to. Fucking mumps. Who the hell gets mumps nowadays?

I bided my time at home then headed out to the walk-in again at 3:45. I sat there until around 4:45 before anything happened. When I finally DID see the doctor, he never gave me a diagnosis. Just kept asking me if I’ve had my rubella/mumps shots….which I can’t recall. He prescribed some antibiotics, then offered a blood test to see if I’ve had my shots, I agreed, and then he disappeared. And that was it.

The nurse took me to the back of the walk-in and she proceeded to get some blood….to no avail. She tried 3 times. 2 on the right and 1 on the left…and I produced…a dribble. We both thought that it was pretty weird….She gave me a ziplock with all the forms filled out and told me to try the clinic across the street instead.

I promptly called my family doctor first chance I got…….

TO BE CONTINUED