Final Destination 5…*Facepalms*

10 08 2011

Final Destination 5 opens in two days. I’ve never been a fan of this franchise, I’ve only ever seen the first one and I have no plans on seeing this one either. The words Final Destination is something that I NEVER would have imagined be placed side by side with the word “franchise”.

I feel ya, Piccolo.

I mean, let’s face it, it’s the same plot over and over and over again. It pretty much feels like the opening of the first Naked Gun, when OJ Simpson stumbles his way off the ship.


Having developed a fear of flying at some point in my life, after seeing the first Final Destination, it cemented that fear forever (which makes me hate the whole “franchise” even more).

I digress. That’s not why I’m here.

The trailer just on the air and one death in particular caught my eye. One of the dude is getting acupuncture, the bed’s leg gives way, he rolls over and (presumably) dies from all the acupuncture needles poking into him.

Oh, I’m sorry. *Spoiler Alert!* Actually, I take that back. Just watch the trailer and you’ll see most of them.

His death wasn’t the thing that got me. I mean, even though the needles they use in acupuncture are unlikely to cause DEATH if you fell on them, that wasn’t what got me bitchin’.  It was the acupuncturist. I think she personifies the term “ching-chong”. Unless that’s actually the Chinese pirate from Pirates of the Caribbean 3.

I guess after the giant-ass ship battle, she left her life of piracy to persue something a bit more meaningful. Took a few night courses, invested her ill-gotten doubloons to open up a shop. Good for her. Then this stupid bastard walks into her place and fucks everything up on her. Now she’s going to have to hire a pretty damn good lawyer to beat all the impending lawsuits off. Wait. That came out wrong. *ahem*

Sail on, Ching-chong!

Despite the stupidness, they were smart enough to cast the very delectable Nicholas D'Agosto (left) in it.